Dear Mr. Garciaparra,
I received the package that you sent yesterday.
Thank you very much for sending such fun things.
The picture was cool.
And you wrote such nice things on it.
You also sent a nice shirt,
but it has bad words on it so I don't want to wear it.
Boston must be a real tough town if parents let their
children wear clothes with such words on them.
The card was good also,
but you must have the wrong person.
I really don't like the Red Sox and really do like the Yankees.
Still, I think you're a nice man. Maybe one day, if you play really
hard and after Derek retires, you can come here for a season or two
like Mr. Clemens or Mr. Boggs. That way you can finally win the
Thank you again for sending the booty.
P.S. I'll let you know if I figure out who in my house
likes the Red Sox.
They don't call me Evil Dr. Otter Bear for nothing.